September 29-30, 2013 - I went in for an induction at 42 weeks pregnant, and the obstetrician assigned to me (not my regular OB) was insensitive, brusque and did not obtain my consent to break my water. I thought he was doing an exam to check my dilation, but then felt water rush out of my vagina. He told me he had broken my water to "speed things up". I felt disrespected and violated. When my labour failed to progress (and my baby's heart-rate kept dipping because of the medically-induced contractions), the OB casually said (as he walked out of the room), "You're heading for a c-section". I was devastated. When he came back later and saw that I was crying, he looked at me with disdain. "Why are you crying? Everyone wants natural this, natural that... what is the big deal about natural?" He disrespected my pain and my fear. My eventual emergency c-section was traumatic. I was physically restrained and shook uncontrollably. I couldn't hold my baby for hours.
For my second pregnancy, I did everything I possibly could to get a midwife. My second birth experience - still in hospital, but led by my midwife - was calm and peaceful. It was still very slow, but my midwife allowed me to progress in the way that my body wanted, and asked for my consent for EVERY intervention. I felt in control, as she gave me advice and allowed ME to make choices. I had a successful VBAC in 2017. When my baby emerged, he was placed on my chest. We were able to gaze at each other and bond as I was stitched up. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
For a long time, I couldn't think about my first birth experience without becoming upset, and feeling those same feelings of anxiety and fear. I hadn't felt prepared for a c-section, mentally or emotionally, and I felt ashamed that I had not actually "given birth" to my child. I felt robbed of something. I also harboured a lot of anger for the obstetrician who had not respected me as a person. I swore I would never use an OB again for any future births.
My birth experience put me in a negative frame of mind following the birth of my daughter, which was exacerbated by her colic. I feel that because of the trauma, I had fewer internal resources to deal with the colic. This led to postpartum depression for the first few months of my daughter's life. Both the colic and depression resolved on their own without treatment after about 12 weeks postpartum.
I did not speak up about what happened to me. Directly following the birth, I had other things to worry about: specifically, a new baby and my mental health. In the years following, I downplayed what had happened to me as a bad set of circumstances that had more to do with the "system" of medicalized births than one specific person. Since then, I have thought about filing a complaint about the OB, but since it's been so long I wonder what the point is. I'm also not sure who I would file a complaint with, or what the steps are.
Submitted by E.P.
